35 Life Lessons Learned by 35

Just five measly years ago, I was haphazardly writing a blog post about traveling to 30 countries by 30. I was on my way back home from London to my parent’s house in Toronto, half-heartedly preparing to go back to work. Fast forward five years, I’ve tried my hand in therapy, purchased my first home, adopted a golden doodle, and welcomed a baby.

A lot can change at any given time.

One minute you could be ugly crying on a plane, wedged between two sleeping strangers – wondering why you have such painful anxiety and the next minute you could have an immense amount of joy for all of the blessings of the universe. In the last few years, I’ve changed so drastically – that even my writing style is unrecognizable to me.

Things change.

As I reflect on my 35 years of existence, below are some of the life lessons that contrubited to my change.

1. It’s okay to sweat the small stuff. Try to brush off what you can and remind yourself that some things aren’t worth wasting your energy on. Always, prioritize your well-being and mental health.
2. What someone says about you is none of your business. You will likely be the villain in at least one person’s story. Hooray, you better make it one kick-ass story!
3. Try your best not to take things personally. Sometimes they are very much personal and other times not so much. Remember, most of the time it’s a projection of what someone feels about themself. It’s not you, it’s them.
4. Always choose you. People love to give unsolicited advice, but it doesn’t mean they’re right. We often know a lot more than we think we do.
5. People only know, what they know. Things people say or do can be triggering but often (not always), it’s not malicious. I’ve found that a venting session can make for a great cure.

6. Practice radical accountability. Simply put, it’s on you to accept responsibility for your actions, own up to making mistakes, and work towards positive change.
7. If you have to tell yourself, it’s not that bad – it’s still bad.
8. You could be the most loyal person to walk this earth, but if it challenges your morals and values – it’s not worth it. You should not have to make a decision that will benefit another person just because you are loyal to them. Stand your ground. Your morals and values are important – even if someone else doesn’t think so.
9. The let-them theory by Mel Robbins is a game changer. Using “let them” is a way to help you detach. If you have a friend who leaves you out of group plans “let them” or if the person you are dating doesn’t want to commit “let them”. If you let them, people will reveal who they are. Preserve your time and energy – just let them.
10. The pain and suffering of a loved one can overshadow their self-awareness which could affect how they show up for you. It doesn’t mean that they care any less about you, it’s that their vision is temporarily blurred. However, it’s important to learn to differentiate between someone who always plays the victim and someone who needs time to deal with their hardships, before they can come back to you.

11. Not everything requires an immediate response. Take your time. Sit on it. Sleep on it. Shove it in your pillowcase and get back to it when you’re ready.
12. Speak up for yourself, but know when to hold your breath. Not every battle is worth fighting. Sometimes you just have to cut the cord and be done with it. You aren’t betraying yourself, if you decide it’s better for your mental health to just let it go.
13. Happiness isn’t an all-time thing and if someone says they are happy all the time – they lie. Sometimes we feel like crap. It just is.
14. Sometimes what we’re missing is context. Assuming anything to fill in the gaps of a story that you made up isn’t going to make you feel better. Your thoughts don’t always portray reality. There are multiple routes to one destination.
15. Not everyone is thinking about you, all the time or thinking about you at all. We’re the main character in our story. Cut people slack – everyone is just trying to get by.

16. You’ll never reach a point in life where everything is neat and tidy. Learn to be happy despite that. Find joy in the everyday.
17. Just eat the sugar. Always wishing your body looked better is a never-ending cycle. All things in moderation.
18. Accepting something doesn’t always mean you need to like it. If my mental health can be 50% better just by accepting something as it is and not fighting it or willing it to change – I’ve won.
19. You’ll be disappointed by others throughout life – there is no escaping this. Learn to communicate how you feel and remember not all battles are worth fighting. Trust your gut and accept that disappointment cannot be avoided.
20. Stop putting off things on your to-do list. Do it. Chances are you’re spending far more time thinking about doing it than the time it’ll take to actually do it.

21. Slow down. Nothing happens overnight. If it’s meant for you, that is exactly where you’ll end up. I was in such a rush to turn my then-travel blog into a booming success. Many years later – it’s transformed into something else entirely. If I didn’t slow down, I’d still be trying to do something that wasn’t quite it for me.
22. Parts work is the best kind of work. My therapist explained that different parts of you can feel different things. Rather than saying “I am sad”, think of it as a part of you is sad. A part of you can feel sad and another part can feel happy. Two, three, and four emotions can be true at the same time.
23. Don’t change the way you are to make someone else feel comfortable. Yes, it’s important to read the room, but if you notice you’re dimming your light to accommodate someone else’s energy – just don’t.
24. Learn to accept not being liked by others. The better you get at this – the happier you will be.
25. The fear of the unknown sucks. No matter how much you prepare for x,y, or z – the universe often has a way of letting things pan out the way they do. Trust that you will move through it – that’s all you can control.

26. When I’m in a state of panic, I often calm down when I remember – we’re all going to die one day. It is highly morbid, but it’s my way of self-soothing. It’s all temporary, baby.
27. Share the love. There’s no point in having all the best things in life if you have nobody to share it with.
28. Ominous positivity is the best kind of delusion. Everything will work out and you will be okay. There is no other way. Your success is inevitable. Manifest your reality.
29. Buy the coffee. Saving two dollars a day might seem like a great idea but, at the end of the year – is it really as nice as enjoying that one thing? It’s nicer to have and appreciate those small moments that give us joy – than to not have it at all.
30. Money comes, money goes.

31. When life feels unbearable, take a long deep breath in and let it all out. Repeat as many times as needed.
32. Enjoy your own company. Love your existence. Have fun by yourself.
33. You can’t save everyone. It’s not your responsibility to be a trauma dumping ground. Some people will keep making the same choices and continue to ask you for support. Detach yourself from their choices.
34. You always have a choice. Even in the tough moments, you have a choice.
35. Chappell Roan. I’m not the only world, she showed up and infiltrated. She worked ten years to get here. She didn’t give up. She trusted herself and look what she created. This is a reminder that you’ll get there one day. Good luck, babe!